Pain

I've never felt like this for a very very long time. It's like, my heart has been ripped apart. Maybe it's all my fault. Wait, no. IT IS MY FAULT. I made a grave mistake. I shouldn't have broke up with you in the first place. I shouldn't hold control over you. You were young. In fact, you were very young. Fourteen, when we first started. I should have known. But hey, i was rash! I only realised how precious you are to me. How much i really was happy with you. Though we never really hanged out when we were together(although that's my reason for severing the r/s), i felt more than happy. I couldn't really describe it in plain words. It wasn't just happy. I felt i was awesome. Having to date the most awesomest girl in school. But yeah, fuck that. The past is gone. Maybe it's your current take on not going back to the past. I don't want to go there. It's ugly. And if you ever donned upon this post, i want to let you know that I'm sorry, very to-the-core sorry. I can't bring back the dead or chuck your pain aside, but i can tell you this: 'I Love You' and 'You Are The Most Beautiful Person I've Ever Seen'. Not sure if you caught this, but i really meant what i said. About making up for my mistakes and loving you with everything i have and would have. I want to be by your side when you're sick, be your shoulder when you're sad, and be your bolster when you're happy I want you to be a part of my life and me to you. You said it will be tough and difficult. I can and i will bear whatever that is to come. And yes, i am determined. For i have realised what are the things that made me happy. Number One: You. I'm extremely proud to say that during my happiest days of my life, i was attached to you. Yeah, it could be a coincidence or maybe you might think that i'm just saying for the sake of getting you back. No. It's the truth. Number Two.....Ten are not as important as the first. I seek joy from lifting. And you were the one person who made me want to be stronger. I wanted to be better than the guys in your class and in your cohort. I wanted to be stronger than them. But then i realised, none of that truly mattered as long as we love each other. I also seek joy from hanging out with my best friend. We do arguments all the time but that's how we are, best friends! We talk about our lives everytime we meet, we rarely text cause we meet each other often and we know what's going on with each of our heads. The thing is, having you is way different from my best friend. I can get a shot at hugging you, holding you tiny hands, play with your hair, send you home, kiss in the rain, cuddle and so on.. Look, if you're reading this, i'm going to end it with this. I'm a changed person. I'm no longer that sec 3 boy whom chatted with you and dated you and dumped you. No. I am now a guy who listens, who gives opinions and suggestions. I make witty jokes and is willing to do stuff for you. I don't mind not texting to other girls while i'm with you(it doesn't mean that i'm multi-texting them while texting you, NO). I don't mind sending you home from work, school or to anywhere else. However, it might creep you out so i guess it's a no. But really, it might seem desperate but, have you heard of a guy that will wait for you? Not putting myself high up but really, i'm willing to do whatever it takes to win you back. Not saying that you're a prize or an entity but you're my world. And you know what? After typing all these, i finally realise what i'm missing out on. I'm actually wasting my time moaning and grumbling about what happened when i can actually win 'My World'. I Love You, Lucas